Help Yourself Before Others

Who doesn't like helping other people? Not talking about family and friends.

We earn 2 big things by doing it:

Contributing to spreading good energy and joy
The perception of our self-worth increases

It's easier to help someone else simply because you can be objective and critical, which is not a bad thing.

But what about you? Are you offering yourself enough time and help?

I want to frame an image from my childhood which you might resonate with.

My mom was constantly busy working, commuting, housekeeping and helping others. There was never time for her.

Doing this every day, for years, she painted her image in front of others as the incredible woman who's there for you, no matter what.

Frankly, very few people have the emotional intelligence to understand how dangerous this is, and most of them, including me, were taking her help for granted.

It's been a while since I could see the dark side of this approach:

Focusing on others never let you focus on YOU
There's no time for relax
Nobody is interested in listening to your needs, because you are the one to listen
You will attract even more people needing help
The energy is so consumed until remains almost 0% chances and motivation to grow

I am not saying stop helping others, but just to put yourself on the first place.

How to start this? By saying:

I cannot, I'm sorry
Sure, I can help you next Tuesday
Sorry, I'm not available for this

Be aware that you don't have to give any reason to anyone, only if you want to.

It's way easier said than done. I feel you, I've been through there and sometimes it became really challenging.

If helping while not at peace, the joy of doing is lower than the joy of refusing to help.

Let me guide you to breathe into this good feeling.

You haven't had a good sleep, and because the alarm was snoozed many times, the breakfast was skipped and you're rushing to the office.

The first meeting has already started, and there's a lot of stuff going on for today. Another important meeting is scheduled later in the day unannounced.

Can you feel the tension in your body and the tendency of exploding?

Good! A friend calls and asks you to help him move a heavy desk after work.

Take a moment and think about yourself.

The body needs rest, food, sleep and maybe a hot bath.

The psyche also needs being present, to be calmed down, to understand what happened today and that shouldn't become a bad, but productive day.

With these in mind, a response of: Hey, I'm sorry, if I wasn't in need for some time for myself, I would have loved to help you.

You did it! You can enjoy all of those activities that bring relaxation when you get home.

Politely saying 'no' to people it's a sign of your authenticity and self-respect.

You know.. in many phases in my life, I was blinded by ego which rejected the feeling of needing help or having an issue to address.

If the answer to "Do you need some help?" fires a NO, let me share a few impactful experiences where I acted like a stubborn kid:

In high-school, when I was afraid that I know nothing about my future
At 19, while in horrible pains and quickly losing weight, I barely admitted I need help from a doctor - then I've been diagnosed with Crohn
At 26, when stressed, depressed and again lost in "what do I do with my life?" struck me hard

Age is indeed just a number, but for most people this sadly doesn't apply.

Take advantange of the dark periods in your life. They are meant to make strong people stronger and weak weaker.

See you next week. Success!