Most People Fail To Stand By Their Words

Have you ever noticed how many people seem to have a hard time standing by their words?

It's not about blaming them, but to open our eyes and set a trigger for ourselves.

If you're over 20, most likely you are no different because of society. Thus, both you and I have to work to identify those moments we break our words.

Words are a shaped weapon. Not keeping them turns the weapon against you.

We are so used to making things up in our favour, that sometimes we do it on auto-pilot.

Remember a moment when you slightly puffed the story before realising it? That's what I'm talking about.

These moments are related to how great we are, or how bad others are. Either of them is going to put us in a positive light.

To make it clear, it's mainly about making things up, not necessarily lies.

The wolves in the letter's picture symbolise those persons dragging you down. That don't support you. Judge you. Make fun of you, in a mean way. Lie to you.

How does an untrained person react to those wolves? Through words. They start saying things that are partially true or at all. Only in trying to prove wolves wrong.

That's the first step of putting pressure on yourself, only because you don't know how to defend yourself.

Almost every negative comment on us directly hits the ego. To be more specific, in 3 main areas:

• Comparison - she is a better parent than me;
• Competition - he did his first €100,000 before me;
• Suffering - why is all of this happening to me?

I would also add never and always. Phrases like I've never done, I always.. or I'll never do.

Words can easily put unnecessary pressure on our shoulders.

Only because we adhere to evolution, or give up on certain behaviours, doesn't mean we have to exaggerate it. But to accept our present self.

It's tough, right? We well know the pleasure of seeing the other so surprised by what we're saying about us. Our reputation grows. Our confidence grows. But the same does our ego.

Here's the unfortunate repercussion: once we face the first struggle with our lie, the self-confidence goes way below that it was initially.

This goes even further. When you repeatedly fail to follow through on your promises, you begin to doubt your own abilities and integrity. You badly speak about yourself. You start creating your imaginary cage of I can't.

The lack of self-trust will undermine your confidence and hinder your ability to achieve your goals and dreams.

Let's discuss further on some concrete examples.

• Ah, Andrew is calling. Just answer my phone and say that I'm taking a shower.

I've heard this phrase a lot. When you think about this small lie, it could simply be avoided by telling the truth: Hey! Sorry, I don't have time right now. I'll get back to you later.

But the always-available image would be damaged.

• You never listen to me.

I was used to it, especially in high-school. This could also be avoided using a feeling: Oh, I should have been more explicit in our discussion about cleaning your room every week.

But the control and superiority would be hurt.

• I eat just a little, I don't understand why I can't see any progress.

Well, maybe on some days you eat less, but on average, you don't. I prefer it this way:

I'm trying my best to lose fat. But every time I get stressed, I binge eating. I cannot stop and I'm losing the 1 week progress in 1 day. I think I need to stop the stress first.

But the ego and vulnerability would be hit hard, as we'll accept in front of others that we are facing a problem.

• I will always wear large, rapper jeans.

I remember telling this to my parents when I was 16, when they were telling me that's a temporary trend.

Of course I went in the deffensive mode, I wasn't taught to accept my present, neither a change that might occur in the future. That could be rephrased:

Mom, dad, I got it. My style might change, but until then, I'm enjoying the current one.

But the control-game wouldn't be as dramatic, as I would have given credits to both me and my parents.

So..

As you can see, the game is played around the ego, control, the nicest person and our image in front of others.

This is not a natural instict, as babies don't intentionally lie, hide things or try to be the best babies.

Lying and hiding things are complex social behaviors that develop later in childhood as a result of cognitive and social development, as well as exposure to social norms and expectations within their environment.

The absence of ego is marked by the absence of 'I am'.

Don't let the wolves shape you in the way they want to. Pay attention to what you're saying about you in front of them. You don't need more mental pressure. Neither to be one person in their eyes and another person in yours.

Letter's quest

The next time your mind is going to throw in a lie, try this:

• Pause, just be silent;
• Remind yourself to be you, it's nothing wrong with that;
• Bring up to your mind the real thing you want to say;
• Pick an option:
  • Be reserved - gently explain that you prefer not to answer;
  • Go ahead and say your pure truth.
• Thank yourself for being authentic. You deserve it.

Until the next letter, I wish you success in everything you're up to!