Why Do I Care About The Mind?

I didn't have the right circumstances to go big.

I am too scared to try something new because the better it's not guaranteed.

I'm not a lucky person as he is, so I resigned myself from chasing a good life.

My brain was wired to a single thing: what's new is dangerous, avoid it at all costs.

In Romanian, there is a popular saying: bad with bad, but worse without bad.

Looking at it now, it's a recipe for guaranteed failure. Its focus is on what can happen negatively, instead on focusing on the better:

• Ask for a raise, but can get fired
• Open a business, but you can fail terrible
• Try another career path, but you can end up even worse
• Say what bothers you, but the other can breakup with you

This kind of mental duality and fear have led me to depression and anxiety that I couldn't find a single day of joy.

How it started

I have been beaten up, cheated, blackmailed, betrayed, marginalized and discouraged since I was a kid.

Since high-school I developed a bad vision about myself:

• I can't get rich
• I can't be successful
• I can't become intelligent
• I can't have quality clothes
• I can't have my own business

As complex as the mind is, yet it does a straightforward thing: seeks the vision you think about.

Since I've been thinking that way about me, of course my actions were inclined to prove it:

• I chose gaming over education
• I chose fights over fun activities
• I chose victimisation over self-control
• I chose smoking and drinking over health

When I finished high-school, I knew I wanted to become a programmer because I was extremely hungry about money, girls, fame and respect from others and programming seemed to be the easiest way.

But still, I didn't have money.. So I decided to become the most funny, empathic and supportive person anywhere I'd go.

Basically I applied fake it until you make it. The funny part? It worked!

I was like an overnight star invited every day to hang out with different groups of people. Most of the times I paid nothing for cigarettes and drinks. My currency was good and funny vibes.

The double edged sword

It seems like a mega shift, right? That's the power of a delusional mindset.

What I did was give up on what I don't have, and focus on acting like the person I sought to become. It didn't matter if anyone said I'm still poor, I knew my long-term trajectory.

Ready for the bad news? Every time I went to bed, I felt miserable:

• I was just acting
• I basically lied people
• I had to be someone I am not
• I had to understand and please persons I didn't like
• I had to suppress my feelings and thoughts to hold my position

Do you see how achieving what you think you want through faking does more bad than good?

The mental breakdown

Of course I didn't stop there.

Many years later, I kind of succeeded in my paycheck goal, but still wasn't enough. So I started to blame whatever I could:

• My friends
• My parents
• The relationship
• The circumstances

Everything was getting worse, from my mental clarity, to discipline, peace, life decisions, sleep, focus, relations.

The only thing that remained the same was going to the gym.

My mind was in a never-ending processing to escape from the present, taking me through the depressions of the past, and up to the anxieties of the future.

When I thought about my past, I could see missed opportunities like what if:

• I remained at that job
• I picked another university
• I was more persistent with sports

When I thought about the future, I was anxious and pessimist:

• I am afraid to ask a raise
• I won't be able to buy my own home
• I can't have enough money to be satisfied
• I am afraid to chase another job, what if I don't fit

Do you see the main focus? Success. This is what does our mind know, to lead us towards success, in whatever form:

• Money
• Inventions
• Reputation
• Becoming better in any way

If you look at my thoughts, the common pain was money. Paradoxically, it wasn't what I really needed. The more I had, the more unfulfilled I felt.

I needed to discover myself. For the first time, at 26 years old.

The mental breakdown started tough:

• With a breakup
• Isolating from my friends
• Moving back with my parents
• Getting known with body dysmorphia

The raise

Since my mental peace collapsed, and every day sucked.

The only thing that kept me going was one absurd goal I've set once again, delusional: I will succeed in whatever I'll get into.

I was so pissed off of mental fog, fears and lack of motivation that I desperately tried things that would help to shift my mindset to a positive one:

• Grew resilience
• Started therapy
• Planned my future
• Implemented new habits
• Watched motivational speakers
• Listened to positive affirmations
• Bought self-development books

I had such a strong belief in that goal I've set, that my discipline and persistence bore fruit. I was like a sponge, absorbing and applying anything I learned.

The most painful and efficient thing I've done and still applying nowadays is overcoming fears. Whatever fear I had, I went all-in into it.

Trust me, every single time I went through the experience I was scared about, only good things happened. This is what an untrained mind does, keep you from becoming better and better.

As a side bonus, you will dissolve your limiting beliefs when doing that. I even wrote a letter about Escaping Your Imaginary Cage.

Since we are talking about mindset, the measurements consisted of actual results. Bear in mind that in the beginning, every goal you set should be easy and fast to achieve.

Some of my goals were:

• Say no
• Fly alone
• Ask the girl
• Get the raise
• Think positive
• Move away from parents
• Take care of me without support

Shortly, challenges became opportunities and triggers for my growth and it worked like a charm.

It's extremely important to have your goals as triggers. Otherwise, you can read 20 books and serve you for nothing. You would blame the books for not being efficient, but in reality you're responsible for not applying what you've read.

These are some of what changed in my life in just one year since I started to apply every mindset shift:

• Earned way more money
• Moved away from my parents
• Decided to pursue another career
• Calmed down the wandering mind led by ego
• Got into relationship with the woman I dreamed of

The motivation

Going through the mind's hell, I understand how crucial it is to own your mind.

Throughout my way here, I developed many strategies to keep this positive mindset, oriented to growth, not to complaints. This is why I write these letters, to share them.

The best part in this shift is that's measureable. Small goals can be set, and once you accomplish them, the motivation builds up along with a strong discipline.

In the mindset game there are no rules. You need to bring every tool, memory, pain or dream in the playground. Even though the strategies are the same, the tools are personalized.

If you feel like I did, hopeless, faker or a loser, I hope this letter motivates and guides you towards success. The fact that a simple person like me could do it, proves that you can too.

The mind is the second key towards freedom. In the next letter, I will explain why a strong mindset isn't enough if you lack the authentic vision of yourself.

— Gab