How I've Quit Smoking
Nah, it wasn't on the first try. Neither the first year.
Gabriel Tira
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4 min read
I'll never smoke
When I was a child, I barely can remember my father smoking from time to time, while my mother never smoked. I can say I was raised in a non-smoking family, so the curiosity for me to want to try that was low.
It really was low, in the 9th grade, where almost all colleagues were smoking, I was keep repeating myself that I'll never smoke, as I don't even like the smell of it.
It lasted until I got into my first high-school trip in 10th grade.
The hook was simple and straightforward: I saw one of those colleagues smoking! She was one of those smart, liked, confident with great grades teenagers and she invited me to try it out.
Since I dreamed of being part of the cool group, how could I say no? I was already seeing myself cool that I've been invited.
What did I earn from it?
In those times, everyone was judged by what others could see. So it helped me just a little bit with the confidence. But honestly, it wasn't my self-confidence, it was the confidence that other people made me feel it.
It also gave me a lot of anxiety every day because I had to plan how to get rid of that stubborn smell of cigarettes, as my parents didn't know about it.
Besides these, there was a pressure on my lungs and cardiovascular system - triggered a subtle shaking of my hands.
Lastly, I felt in my tiny pocket as well. My parents were giving me like €20 a month, and a pack of cigarettes was around €2.2.
Enough! This is the last one
I've never thought to quit smoking until I've been diagnosed with Crohn. In December 2013 was the first time I was forced to quit due to my severe health issues.
After 3-4 months of getting back on my feet, and a researcher thought stroke my mind: What if my disease is not caused by smoking and they only blame it on every health issue?.
I started again by asking my friends to give me 1-2 puffs while they were smoking. It quickly added up to ask them to give me one cigarette until I reached again the phase where I was smoking 1 pack per 2 days.
From mid 2014 to 2017, I've voluntarily tried to stop smoking as was realising that harms my health as it started to degrade again.
I've told myself over 5 times: all right.. this is the last one. But I simply couldn't, I felt I had nothing to do with my hands, especially when hanging out with my friends. Seemed like I was looking stupid without having a cigarettes in my hand.
I've also tried various techniques out there, but nothing worked. They were all focused on the effect or changing the habit itself, but not on the root cause.
It happened from nowhere
I was at one of my best friend's birthday, organised at a bar, outside, where the vibe was chill.
While I was smoking, a philosophical thought stroke me.
What if I'm smoking only to hide my anxiety and fears? I don't feel confident with myself.
That was indeed the truth. Through realising and getting aware of my real cause of smoking, I've just jumped on my feet and said to my friends from nowhere: I've just stopped smoking. For real.
And that was it, very strange, simple and unplanned. If you cannot believe it, I feel you, neither did I back then, but since then, I've never tried another cigarette.
I replaced the smoking gesture when I was out with my friends with scrolling through my phone - which had got me into another issue which I'll talk about in future letters.
There was a trigger question I set up when smoking came to my mind: do I really want the freedom or to remain locked in this vice?
When dealing with a problem, think of what causes it. Why do you do that habit?
Until the next letter, I wish you success in everything you're up to!