Pyramid Level 4: Reframe Negativity

"My colleague received a promotion and I didn't. I hate the manager."

"I was born in a small village. I don't have any chances to shine."

"I went through a break up. I'll be single for the rest of my life."

"Drivers often scream at me in traffic. I should quit driving."

"I am bad at negotiating. I hope they will see me and remunerate me as per my true values."

All these statements have one thing in common: downgrading yourself.

Negativity is your 6th sense. Once triggered, seek the area to get better.

In Romania, we have a saying: don't step on where you spat. And I grew with that.

I started to use "I'll never do that again", which led me to being constrained to trying out new things. I had already had so many bad experiences that I've been left with:

• Good that I have a job, I hope it will never end
• Good that I have a place to stay, I hope it will never go
• Good that I have these friends, I hope our relationships will never end

This is weakness.

It is a thin line between being grateful for things we already have, and being keen to want even more out of this life.

A slave mindset is to be grateful for things you are not.

I believe we were educated completely wrong: a strong and powerful person reacts, screams, hits, smashes, is scary.

Today, to me that person seems like needing help and support:

• He reacts, because self-control is lacking
• He screams, because self-confidence is lacking
• He hits and smashes, because he was abused and went through terrifying experiences
• He is not scary, he needs to be listened, understood

Strength and power derive from calm, control, discipline, peace and response.

Please read the above sentence again, noting that money is missing.

You must become and feel strong and powerful even when it's not about money.

Money is just compensation for your values.

Values can be learned and trained each time we live a negative experience, but for that to happen, it's required to be aware of this opportunity to seize it.

Here we are today, building Pyramid Level 4: Reframe Negativity which is gonna build us a tremendous amount of value.

First, we need a set of questions to address when we think something negative occurs:

• What am I deeply afraid of?
• What can I learn or do better so next time this won't be an issue?

Only 2 factors keep you at the bottom: fears and lacking values.

The word 'values' contains an enormous horizon of examples, such as:

• Remain calm in stressful situations, to act rational
• Public speaking
• Selling
• Marketing
• Painting, singing, dancing, writing
• Programming, video editing
• Negotiating
• Stock/crypto trading
• Teach others something you know

For an easier explanation of what Reframe Negativity stands for and how we can benefit from any experience, I'll share with you a few personal examples.

Previous company has been sold

In the beginning, I was scared that I may not be provided with another position in new projects, or I'll just be laid off since it was popular.

What's the benefit of this fear? I acknowledged that I wasn't confident enough in my skills.

How could I check whether or not that fear was real? By attending interviews. Oh.. but wait, that's also new and I'm afraid I'll get plenty of 'no'.

That became more interesting because the fear was propagated by another.

All right, what's the benefit of fear of rejection? I acknowledged I wanted to be perfect at anything because I couldn't handle a "no".

Wanting to please anyone is the first sign to insanity.

Once I worked through my perfectionism problem, only then I could attend interviews where I've got only positive offers. 4 out of 4 interviews.

This is how I've got the job I have today that allows me to be anywhere in the world, by paying attention to my propagated fears.

Being diagnosed with Crohn's disease.

Being numb in bed for 2 weeks, I was aware that I was very close to death.

It was awful, I had no skills at that time to calm and empower myself such as:

• Meditation
• Positive mindfulness
• Power breathing techniques
• Journaling

I was just going deeper and deeper into the darkness, caused by my mind.

Death was the one to make me afraid of. It made me realise that death is that close to me that I allow it.

Suddenly, I realised it's my mind that sent me into darkness, close to death. And I had plenty of bad things to quit:

• Smoking
• Drinking
• Stress
• Nutrition
• Junk food
• Being at peace with myself

It was a very long way to achieve all the above, because I was alone. This is why I'm sharing things I've learnt along this way, maybe someone on this planet will benefit from these letters.

Being diagnosed with Crohn's disease made me the healthiest person in my circle.

Relationship at distance.

It has been one month since our relationship began, when I've been told she's gonna leave the country for a year. It was tough.

The fear of never finding a stable relationship with a woman I really like struck me hard. It was like a never ending pain.

This fear made me realised that I've never been focused on the relationship as a whole. It was either me or her, never both.

In a successful relationship, both have to grow and seize opportunities.

I've got enormous benefits from this experience, which some of them are:

• Learned to communicate even through messages
• Dedicated each evening one hour to see each other on FaceTime
• Meeting in other countries
• Surpassed my fear of flying alone
• Surpassed my fear of being alone in a country
• Having hard talks to prevent frustrations from building up
• Making plans together
• Surpassed my limitation that I cannot live in another country
• Finally opening up my feeling after 10 years

This is the power of seeing negative experiences as an anchor to stop and seek the weak point. Find it, improve it and enjoy a new story to tell.

Letter's Quest

Take some time alone, put yourself in the mood of I am here to get better, and start analyzing 3 situations which you consider negative. One sentence for each situation is perfect.

I will ask you to write them down.

Good, we'll take those sentences one by one. Let's underline every word that represents the exterior, such as: he, she, they, Tom, Lilly.

Now, for each underlined word, put the index finger on it, and ask yourself: what values am I lacking and lead me to be hurt by this?

Be honest, go deep and profound. Remember, you're here to get better.

Once you figure out some values, try to detach your hate from that person(s). They gave you the opportunity to get better.

Our business is to remain stable no matter what happens outside. Anyone has the freedom of choice.

Repeat these steps for each word, in each sentence. You'll be gifted with at least some values you'd like to focus on.

And all this happened because negativity was reframed.

Get stronger, not weaker. In the authentic way, not how society wants.

Until the next letter, I wish you success in everything you're up to!