Who's Your Kid's Hero, You?

Spoiler: this is my longest letter, and I dare to say the most powerful and valuable. Please be sure you have 10 minutes before you start reading it.

Spoiler 2: to all the parents and future parents reading this: probably it's gonna hurt.

Every couple in this world should picture their kids' heroes.

Let me ask you some hard questions:

Do you inspire a healthy lifestyle?
Are you in good shape?
Do you respect your spouse in the authentic way?
Are you humble?
Do you have patience in difficult situations?
Do you respect people you don't know?
Are you proactive with your life?

Before going into the most sensible subject of this letter, I'd like to describe a bit the importance of the above questions, for both you and I, because I also need to be reminded of things I already know.

You, as any other parent in this world, want the best for their children, and it is perfectly understandable. Let me ask you this: why do you think the majority of people don't have a fulfilling life?

It's because of the same reason employees fail to obey the rules of a leader who just demands. It's not sustainable. Teach your childrens by showing them how you act, how you talk, how you live.

Leading by example will never get old enough to become inapplicable.

Just take a look at some of the today's most common problems:

Addictions - porn, social media, food and video games are included
Violence, swearing, judging - because of lacking emotional intelligence
Making fun of others - to compensate your inner pain and frustrations
Limiting beliefs - shaping an unfavorable world
Too offensive and sensible people
Too many single persons owning a dog or cat, scared to step in a relationship
Nobody to take risks, just complaining

Do not expect from your kids to be very different just because "you told them". This doesn't work, you have to be that good to influence your kids to be good. To watch you in the eyes and simply see the fire of a joyful life.

And don't misunderstand me, a joyful life doesn't mean being happy all the time. That would frankly be called insanity. But it refers to observing any tough situation with peace and strength.

The ocean is not bothered by its waves. Don't let the exterior alter your inner values.

You may think of those kids who've succeeded with mediocre parents. There is a word for them: exceptions. Do you want to throw a coin for your kids' future or start acting as a grown, hero-like parent knowing his life's business?

And of course this comes with a tremendous effort. We need to accept, understand, dig into our pains, stay with them, and eventually grow.

I have written a question-based guide to help you reach the self-awareness and understanding faster level of growth faster, called 21 Days To Self-Discovery. More on this at the end.

Until then, these would some of the fundamental points, which you can apply right away:

Start with self-improvement - Who are you? What do you need? What are you aspirations?
Journal your progress - understand that this takes time, you're accomplishing the most powerful thing, the freedom
Meditate - exercise your patience, simplicity and staying your your thoughts
Avoid I will, focus and talk just about what you are doing

I mentioned earlier about respecting your spouse, and most of you would say "sure, obviously". Frankly, I'd say think again.

How many times has she told you that she loves flowers, a good theatre scene, or a date? Let me tell you from my past: so many times she quit telling you because nothing has changed. And because you stopped hearing those, you completely forgot what she loves.

This is not the way a hero leads by example. Your kids replicate what they see and hear in their family, not what they're told to do.

Your brain knows plenty of things. If they're unconscious, it's similar to not having a clue about them.

Small things usually matter the most.

Who's the first person to kiss when you get back home? If the answer is your kid before your spouse, you're part of the majority. And I've been there (as a way of thinking), because this is what I've seen in my family.

This propagated further, as this was the reason I treated with less importance the girls and women in my life. I was under the impressions that they are the most important until they give birth to kids. Terrible way of thinking.

I'm happy that around my 27th birthday I decided the path to self-discovery, in the authentic and real way, not just reading books and claiming I know everything. With professional people. There were tears, suffering, negative thoughts, depression and anxiety in the beginning.

But just like the lotus flower grows from the mud, the same my freedom grew from all the pain I kept inside.

Now I see things completely different in that regard. Kids are the consequence of a couple's love, not those to make your spouse afraid of losing your attention and love. Thus, in my opinion, the spouse should be treated with the same respect, love and attention.

PS: This applies both ways, it happens for women as well, but men are more prone.

Kids are the consequence of a couple's love, not the spouse's competitor.

By doing that, a couple of things are going to happen:

The connection between parents remains high, fostering love, authenticity, respect and empathy
Kids will learn by just watching - natural thing - and will understand what the traits and values of a healthy relationship are

If you say it's too late, you will sooner or later be slapped. And it's gonna be the reality to do it, which doesn't care about your excuses.

Letter's Quest

Let's bring back that connection in your relationship. As always, small things matter.

PS: If you're single right now, I wish you won't need to apply these things, because you would already be aware of them.

Start by thinking of 3 things your significant other loves? They don't need to fire instantly, give yourself enough time. Maybe it takes 2 days to figure them out.

Now, go ahead and plan them strategically. Offer or do one thing every 2-3 weeks. Don't rely on your mind to remind you, as it already proved it's not yet prepared for that. Use the phone to remind when it's the time.

As a bonus, be Shakespeare for a moment and write a romantic message, 2-3 sentences, expressing what you love about her/him.

As another bonus, subtle ask questions about what are the interests right now, maybe a book, new movie, new restaurant or a new Instagram dish to try at home. Get them, write them, do them. Show your attention and love.

Do you know what you've just done? Eliminated 2 of the most popular excuses:

I forgot - now you have the phone's calendar
I don't have ideas - now you have plenty of them

You need practice, this is just the beginning. Everything starts from somewhere, even if it's zero.

21 Days To Self-Discovery

As I've mentioned earlier, I have created this guide for subscribers only.

All you'll be required is to enter the password to download the guide. The password is: self-discovery

Hope you'll find it useful, as those questions have helped me throughout my journey. I answer them once or twice a year, and they used to be very different almost every time.

Until the next letter, I wish you success in everything you're up to!