Pyramid Level 1: Self Control

A ship can be navigated through a heavy storm and rain. And it's created by us.

An aircraft can be piloted through hard turbulence. And it's created by us.

They were not perfect in the beginning, but iterations brought them there.

The same happens with our thoughts, which are also created by us, but are destructive.

Like the ship, we need to apply iterations to our thoughts to make them serve us in a constructive way, leading us closer to the life we want.

This translates to gaining self-control over our mind.

Lacking self-control is the sign you don't own yourself..

Some of the most common problems created by the lack of self control are:

• Eating compulsively
• Drinking too much or daily alcohol
• Smoking
• Lying or hiding aspects
• Not trying new things that we'd like to
• Working outside of our working hours, unpaid
• Consuming social media like a drug

You'll be surprised how ironic those behaviours are in a second.

We act like that to protect the social status or fulfill inner gaps.

Humans are made to be part of a group, society, nation. Like it or not, social status is real and is so inherit in our subconsciousness that we reflexively protect it.

Do you want more people to like and cheer for you? Lie, hide or make things up as a shortcut.

Do your boss and manager smoke cigars at lunch? Join them to prove similarity.

Some colleagues are working late? Do overtime to prove you are even better and deserve more.

Social status shouldn't make us more important, but more unique.

Back to the second reason: trying to fulfill inner gaps.

Was your day bad at work? A burger might solve that.

Going through hard times in your relationship? Alcohol might ameliorate the pain.

Did John succeeded in a business you was scared of joining? You could lie that you're not affected.

We seek a fulfilling life without knowing its meaning. Fulfillment comes from filling every void in our soul.

But still, why is it ironic to act that way?

Because the more we act against what truly fulfills us, the more the distance to authenticity will become and the bigger the gaps will be.

The so rooted perception is telling us we are getting closer to our needs, but in fact, we go farther.

Last week I started to looked back at the pivot moments in my life where I managed to be authentic and live every day with joy and peace no matter what came in.

Because I did it multiple times, it became a clear sign that there is a not yet identified framework, and since I'm thriving to adopt this way of living, I delved into it.

I came up with a 5 levels pyramid that lead me there, and today's letter is about the Level 1: self-control.

As we discussed in the beginning, we need to iterate our bad behaviours to become stronger, to navigate the ship even through storms.

We need a plan for that to happen. Here's my 3 steps rescue:

• Write the behaviours you want to change
• Set yourself a mental and conscious trigger each time you're close to do it
• Pull the trigger and visualise how you'll benefit from not acting as always

It's gonna be hard, sometimes even annoying or painful, but stay there, and don't hesitate to pull the trigger.

Even if you find yourself doing it again, it's all right, you'll have another chance soon. This takes a lot of time, discipline and the will to change.

Most of us will still struggle to visualise how our life's gonna change letting those behaviours in the past. It's understandable, as our rationament is based on experience, not imagination.

The good news is we can train that as well, to expand the capacity of understanding the world by imagining while remaining rational.

I use 2 methods to frame the life I want to experience:

• Write in details how my future self would be
• Visualise through meditation exactly how I'd see myself

Describing in detail how your future self acts gives you clarity and a more powerful shot when the trigger needs to be pulled.

Motivation comes from clarity. Clarity comes from faith. Faith comes from imagination.

I placed self-control as the pyramid's foundation for a couple of reasons:

• I see it as the most challenging part in our lives, because most of us don't own ourselves
• When gained, it proves we can change and adapt, essential for evolution

Letter's Quest

I invite you to practice for the next 7 days this small game towards gaining self-control:

• See the bad behaviour?
• Pull out your gun - how future self would handle that
• Still tempted to do it? Pull the trigger! - visualise the advantages of killing it

The only thing preventing us from being our desired future self is the past brought into present.

Until the next letter, I wish you success in everything you're up to!